3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
