Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
