If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
