I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
