yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
