my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
