Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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