My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Randomize
