I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm determined to sit on that face.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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