I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The ass gains better be worth it
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
