Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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