i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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