but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
