So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
