Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
