He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Welp...herpes.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
