I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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