I have demons in me.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just google imaged poop.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
