Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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