I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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