I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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