Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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