did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
