Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
