sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
