We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
