is your mom at the bar?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
