saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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