just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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