omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
