i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
