I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
