take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
