and you said cock pushups were impossible
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
