Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
