My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
