He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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