I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
