I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Your penis caused this!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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