Soap is not a condiment
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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