So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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