I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
