I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
