oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
