I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
