hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
