the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
