Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
