were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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