listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
