did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
